Damned If You Do, Judged If You Don’t – Why Women Need to Cheer Each Other On!
It’s been six years now since I handed over my dissertation for my MsC with trembling hands, hoping like hell that I’d done what I needed to pass.
With two children under ten, running a business and being the only breadwinner at the time, whilst heading into divorce, this was one of the most challenging periods of my life.
Why the flashback and anxiety dream sequence narrative?
Well, International Women’s Day is around the corner and it got me thinking.
Properly pondering.
That’s because I’m a number one ambassador for women’s economic empowerment and professional success. Well “durrr” you’re a woman Penny.
Cue large mammals and forests klaxon!
Now hold your horses, or at least bear with me (sorry).
You can’t make the assumption that every woman is also banging the drum for the equality women deserve!
I got that MsC over the line and… spoiler alert…I passed!
Whilst many celebrated my achievement, there were some mums at the school gates who looked down on my “selfish” pursuit of bettering my career!
Whilst conducting research for my dissertation – which was focusing on the preference of certain traits in female and male leaders in different scenarios – I found evidence that showed that our sisters are not ALWAYS our number one cheerleaders.
Of course, many times, they absolutely ARE!
It’s a difficult world for women.
You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
Deciding you’re going to stay at home and raise a family is to some the idealised choice. To others (including myself), building a career and raising a family is the better option. Neither is best, both rely on who you are and your circumstances, values and aspirations. However, it’s those who choose one option and look down on the other which is the problem.
It is sad that women are often the ones who use traditional stereotypes to barrage those ladies who step into “a man’s world”. And I know, it’s 2025 and this shouldn’t be the case but it is a bias that is held by many. If a woman chooses to leave her kids with a childminder and grow her career, she’s selfish. If a woman dials up more masculine behaviours at work, she’s a dragon or a bitch!
Stepping into leadership roles requires a healthy balance between typically male and female behaviours but yes, women are punished for it – you guessed it – by women (and yes, some men too!).
You wonder why women are still not balancing out the typically all-male executive leadership and board roles – perhaps because they have to fight the attitudes and stereotypes of women at home and in the workplace?
You have to be made of some strong stuff if you’re prepared to brush off the judgments and opinions that can really hurt when you’re lying awake at 3 am!
However, as a woman who was looked down on for balancing a career with parenting, I can tell you…it’s worth it!
Not only is following your aspirations your choice (and no one else’s) but the good you can bring to business is fundamental. Research shows that when women make up 20% of managers in an organisation, innovation massively increases, as does engagement, profit and customer satisfaction.
However, for women to feel enabled and supported to embrace senior positions, we need to change our attitudes at home and in the workplace. We need to start banging the drum, tossing the baton and giving high fives to our sisters who dare to break the mould.
I have two teenagers who are happy, secure and successful. They didn’t suffer due to me focusing on work, they thank me for showing them they can do whatever they put their mind to.
As can anyone reading this – whoever you are!